my mind wanders... on a thought of a green sunset

Monday, October 30, 2006

Ikalawang Hiling: [The Art of Keeping Distances]

Whew... Ngayong araw na ito ay maraming nangyari na nangangailangan ng isa pang hiling sa Diyos. Sa ngayon, pending ang una kong wish, at idadagdag ko pa itong isang naisip ko lang kanina.

Bilang isang kaibigang tumutulong sa isa pang kaibigang nangangailangan, masasabi mo ba na ikaw ang kanyang pag-asa?

May karapatan na ba akong sabihin sa sarili mo na kailangan ka niya?

Paano kung binabalewala ka niya?

May masasabi ka pa ba?

--

Minsan... Kinakausap ko ang sarili ko gamit ang mga tanong na iyan, hindi man eksaktong salita, ngunit pareho lamang ang hinihimig sa aking naguguluhang isip.

Dapat bang maging kaibigan ako para sa kanya? Sa isang taong nakikipag-plastikan sa'yo?

--

Hindi ko pinangarap gamitin ang aking kamao sa mukha ng isang tao. Sapok, pitik, at marami pang kaharutan, kaya ko... Pero ang paduguin ang mukha ng isang tao...

Hindi kaya.

Bigla kong naisip... Baka kailangan nang madumihan ng kamay paminsan-minsan.

--

Hinuhusgahan ko sila, at hinhusgahan ko ang sarili ko. Kaso, ang judgement ko, laging unfair sa akin.

Biglang sumagi sa isip ko: May magagawa pa ba ako?

--

Kaya humihiling ako, bigyan sana ako ng lakas upang lumayo nang dahan-dahan. Hindi ako iaalon ng panahon palayo, ako dapat ang lumangoy palayo sa malalim na tubig at maghanap ng isang islang mapagpapahingahan.

Marahil, pagod na ako. Kaya ganito na lamang ako humiling.

--

Hindi ba dapat the Art of Letting Go 'yan? Hehe kanta ko... May lyrics... Yung mga salita ko... Payo ko...

But they fade in every second that pass...

Ciao~

my mind fleeted at :9:21 pm ;

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Unang Hiling: [Orison for the Sunset]

May nabasa kasi ako kanila lang.. May katagalan na pala ito.... Grabe.... Ngayon ko lang nabasa... at napa-isip na naman ako.

Hanggang kailan kaya ako mahihirapan...?

Tulad ng sabi ni KJ, challenge ito ng Diyos. Wala pa ito sa mga problemang dala-dala ng mga tao sa paligid ko.

Kaya nag-umpisa na akong humiling.

Sana, pagbigyan tayong lahat ng isang araw, araw para marahil sa iba'y ituloy ang buhay, at sa akin (at sa lahat ng iba pang nakakaalam) para sabihin ang totoo habang lumulubog ang araw. Isang takipsilim ang aking hiling, sa harap ng isang malalim na dagat, nakatayo, nag-iisip.

Marahil, wala naman sigurong lulusong sa dagat para wakasan ang kanyang buhay.

...

Hihintayin lang namin mawala ang liwanag ng araw, para lamang palitan ng kislap ng mga tala at ng buwan.

At sana, tapos na ang lahat pagkatapos ng araw na iyon.
---------------------

Madalang ako humiling sa Diyos, dahil paniniwala ko noon ay hindi ito gaanong pinapansin. Marahil mahina ako bumulong sa Kanyang tainga kaya 'di niya ako marinig.

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Kung medyo... malabo yung title.. Ang kulit ko kasi.. English pa.. Naghahanap ako ng konting thrill... Joke time! May dictionary naman e.... Vocabulary enhancement... 'Di ba? ^ ^

Ciao~

my mind fleeted at :10:56 am ;

Friday, October 27, 2006

Ang Aking mga Hiling

waw. filipino ung post. tagalog. wikang filipino. taglish ung ilan.
napatagalog ako ksi sbi ni leslie... ang blog dpat naiintindihan ng isang grade 4 student. kaya napatigil ako sa pag-english. affected? hehehe slyt.... ksi... ksi... ksi....

hayaan na.

eto.... masaya naman,,, dahil laging ksma sina kj, thea at leslie... ksma na rin ang presensya ni ralf. after ng practice ng choir ay nagdesisyon na kaming kumain. sa mcdo. at ang kinain ni alf ay... jollibee.

may umaatikabong usapan habang kami'y kumakain.... at kawawang alf... natrauma ata.

Leslie: Na trauma ka na ba?
Ralph: *nods...*

binalak ni thea na mag moa for the sunset. so... lrt kmi... UN station.. at ang tgal nmin... sa panglimang tren n kmi sumakay. may kaunting kasikipan.... pero ok lng.

so eto n.

hiram k ung ipod ni thea nung mga araw n toh. tpos... buong lrt trip e isang kanta lng ung pinapakinggan ko.

Hiling by Paramita

Verse 1:
Nahihirapan na ang aking isip
Nauubusan na ng sasabihin sa iyo..
~~Nanlalamig na ba ang pag-ibig mo sa ‘kin..~~
Giliw..

Verse 2:
Nalilito ako, nais kong sagipin ang ating
Nalulunod na pag~~-ibig~~....
Nguni’t handa akong palayain ka
Kung ito ang ‘yong hiling
Gaano man kasakit sa akin
Ibibigay sa yoAng tanging pakiusap lang
Wag mo akong kalimutan..

Refrain:
Kay rami nang nagdaan
Na pagsubok sa ting pag-ibig
Kakayanin pa kayang mabawi pa
Ang mga nasabi nang masasakit na salita..

Kung ito ang yong hiling
Gaano man kasakit sa akin..
Ibibigay sa yo..

Nanlalamig na bang pag~~-ibig~~ mo?

whoo... ang gnda ng kantang toh. at 6 n beses syang tumugtog s ipod ni thea... at pinakanta k p s knilang 2 ni leslie s karaoke.

quantum mode... ang comfy nung sofa... at ska orange ung room. thea po pumili.... ^___^ kaso... alang kumakanta masyado... hehe..

Thea: Ano ba yan.. lahat tayo marunong kumanta...... pero ala namang kumakanta!

asides s may pinanood kming freaky pero nakakaiyak na love story in clay.. (ung background dpat ng karaoke..) nakapaglaro din ako, c thea at c alf ng dance maniax. ang saya ng speed ko.... 1x... kakaiyak..
(habang naglalaro)
Leslie: Mukha kang bored sa ginagawa mo...

di nmn.... di lang ako sanay sa 1x... ang bgal.. T_T

at... nanood n kmi ng sunset... n natakpan ng ulap hbang umuulan. meron ding mga maaingay na f3 racers..... at meron din ung mga ipis ng manila bay. Anti-social daw cla sbi ni kj.

dumating si kier... at pinakinggan nya kami kumanta.... at iniiwan namin si thea s kanyang moment n ubod ng taas.

halos umuulan n nung mga panahon n iyon. nagtawag ata kami ng ulan..

umuwi n c leslie... kj at ako.. pagkatapos i bargain kay leslie n 5:30 n sya umuwi... khit ang alok ni alf ay 7 at mlpit n syang masabihan ng "nightclub" ng kanyang ina...

at... nag dyip n lng me pauwi.

ciao~

my mind fleeted at :7:42 pm ;

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Farewell...

If think you cannot handle senseless things today, leave my blog immediately.
But, if you try, you may find a little dignity in what I wrote.

Obviously something has changed.
Everyone has.

I rarely feel emotions of deep love and deep sorrow. Joy, I presume, is the one I almost always feel, next to anger, slight depression or just playing silent. I now confess that I feel slightly of deep love and sorrow, something my body is good at. Resisiting hormonal signals that influence emotion. I am the ultimate NUMB-ASS in the whole wide universe.

The last sentence was a joke.

But I'm rather numb than stupid. That's sure.

That was my introduction to my alternate world. I've been dwelling there for ages. I wasted time there.

I thought i'd live there forever.

Then, someone cried.

Tears of great sorrow for a lost love. Tears of anger. Shock. Dilemma. Broken friendship. Destroyed trust.

Two people cried that night. Two people shared the same remorse.

One of the people who sobbed, was me.
The other one, was a friend of mine.

We both lost someone dear to us.
That someone is still lost in his alternate world.

We talked over the phone. I listened to her cries. I listened to her words, telling me that everything's over. Period. Life for her was filled with caution. She told me she feared of getting hurt.

We were both hurt. And most probably we are not the only people who want to cry for this.

Our perspectives merged. My past suddenly was suddenly filled with guilt. I confessed to my friend: I am just as heartless as this someone.

Women are complicated. Men are simple. It's the details that break the hearts of men, and the minimalism that breaks the hearts of women.

...

I just lost someone. Dear to me, dear to everyone.

That someone just doesn't know that he lost me and everyone else too.

...

I just left the alternate world. My point of view has changed. Knowing now a lot of things makes me a tad wise, but incredibly sad for the moment. This path is different.

True happiness lies from that road onwards.

...

This is my good-bye to that someone.

my mind fleeted at :5:06 pm ;

Saturday, October 07, 2006

...lethargic

The next days of my life would become heavy, as tests and projects cascade upon me like rain. Umbrella’s up.

I laid down my books and began to think on things.

I should be really more careful about travel. I just lost my phone yesterday, and I haven’t cleared things with my parents. To think I came home at 1am, I felt so dead yesterday. I must lighten this load before I finish everything else.

I have to make up for losses.

That’s why I am increasing the focus on studies. More reading, less keyboarding. I must learn the fact of saying no a lot more than usual.

That should give me a head start.

Exhaustion has got the better of me. Sometimes I want to sedate myself to sleep. Of course, the better option would be develop a deeper sense of lethargy. (Then, I just watched House with the human African sleeping sickness. That concerned me a little bit.)

My brain suddenly sung “let’s take it slow, so slow…”

That’s the natural solution for almost all problems. Defy the acceleration of the busy world. Carpi diem, I suppose. Wait, not really. Just, slow down.

Ciao~

my mind fleeted at :8:20 pm ;