my mind wanders... on a thought of a green sunset

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Farewell...

If think you cannot handle senseless things today, leave my blog immediately.
But, if you try, you may find a little dignity in what I wrote.

Obviously something has changed.
Everyone has.

I rarely feel emotions of deep love and deep sorrow. Joy, I presume, is the one I almost always feel, next to anger, slight depression or just playing silent. I now confess that I feel slightly of deep love and sorrow, something my body is good at. Resisiting hormonal signals that influence emotion. I am the ultimate NUMB-ASS in the whole wide universe.

The last sentence was a joke.

But I'm rather numb than stupid. That's sure.

That was my introduction to my alternate world. I've been dwelling there for ages. I wasted time there.

I thought i'd live there forever.

Then, someone cried.

Tears of great sorrow for a lost love. Tears of anger. Shock. Dilemma. Broken friendship. Destroyed trust.

Two people cried that night. Two people shared the same remorse.

One of the people who sobbed, was me.
The other one, was a friend of mine.

We both lost someone dear to us.
That someone is still lost in his alternate world.

We talked over the phone. I listened to her cries. I listened to her words, telling me that everything's over. Period. Life for her was filled with caution. She told me she feared of getting hurt.

We were both hurt. And most probably we are not the only people who want to cry for this.

Our perspectives merged. My past suddenly was suddenly filled with guilt. I confessed to my friend: I am just as heartless as this someone.

Women are complicated. Men are simple. It's the details that break the hearts of men, and the minimalism that breaks the hearts of women.

...

I just lost someone. Dear to me, dear to everyone.

That someone just doesn't know that he lost me and everyone else too.

...

I just left the alternate world. My point of view has changed. Knowing now a lot of things makes me a tad wise, but incredibly sad for the moment. This path is different.

True happiness lies from that road onwards.

...

This is my good-bye to that someone.

my mind fleeted at :5:06 pm ;