I feel so down. One side of my heart feels happy, the other feels a deep sense of indispensible loneliness.

For the first time, my life became full of activities, so full that it came to a point that my parents were so worried. They became angry about my schedule, seeing that I am weak with regards to fatigue and may acquire another sickness. I didn't receive any moral support onwards.

The night before that contest woke me up every two hours. I couldn't sleep well because I've heard my mom say that no one shall wake me up for the next day's activity. I didn't get a lot of sleep.

That day I kept myself into a euphoria so that I could think. Migraine struck me, and it didn't leave me until the end of the contest. 4th place, missing a point from the 3rd.

I slept on the bus ride back to Cavite. I felt uncomfortable in my seat and my head's pounding. Maybe I got so tired of all that's happened that my body fell unconscious.

I didn't pay the bus fare that day. The conductor missed on giving me a ticket.

My priorities have changed. I eat more and more, but I don't get any bigger. I sleep more, I don't feel relaxed. I read more, I don't learn anything. I try to listen, but I hear only things that lower my esteem.

For the first time, in 2007, I felt tired of my life and ready to leave without a trace.

But I shouldn't forget that my other side still feels happy. Maybe that is what's keeping me still moving on.

I hope it won't disappear.
Ciao~

jay-v james gatdula barit
jebski, jevy, jebby, jev
january 6, 1991
5'11"
tanned
up manila
up college of nursing
block 26
manila science high school
newton, hertz, rutherford, padolina
up manila chorale trainee
manila science alumni chorale member
baritone
jokes, sarcasm and criticisms
blue and green
cute and sexy =p
Pugad Baboy and Garfield
Cyanide and Happiness
piano and voice
watermelons and oranges
cake and ice cream
ice skating and swimming
coffee and hot chocolate
chemistry and pathology
lover and loved



I will become a nurse, then become a doctor, then become a Master of Professional Health Education, and teach at UP someday.

I will have my own house with a very large garden, filled with flowers and trees.

I will get a 1.0 in at least one subject in my course of education in UP. (Now this is ridiculous. But please let me be happy.)

I will have musically-trained ears. Someday. =)

I will learn a foreign language by heart. =)


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